Why Married Women Should Not Have Male Friends
Marriage is Serious Business,
Friendships Come Second.
Marriage is a serious commitment. We
have to treat it with respect.
Many women believe they can continue
with their male friendships after marriage, but I want to ask:
Why would you risk your marriage for
the sake of someone you aren’t married to?
Every woman also wants to believe
they are the exception to the rule, but I want to challenge women to rethink
male friendships for the longevity and integrity of your marriage vows.
10 Reasons Married Women Should Not Have Male Friends
1. You don’t know where their heart
is.
“There are no such things as male
friends. There are only men waiting for you to like them.”
I don’t know if this is true, but it
begs the question: “Do you really know if your male friend isn’t attracted to
you?” I created “The Male Friendship Test” for married women in order to
determine if a man really is friendship material. (Hint: the answer is almost
always “no.”)
No matter what your male friend says,
you can never be certain he doesn’t have feelings for you. And this fact
is the best reason married women should not have male friends.
2. You don’t know what they are
dealing with.
When you meet someone new, it’s so
much fun to discover new things about them. The downside of the discovery
phase is that you haven’t learned all the nitty-gritty.
You might know their favorite TV
show, but not know they had a horrible fight about money with their wife the
night before. Or a layoff might be making him feel like “less of a man”
and your smiling face makes him feel valuable.
These unknown factors can create
uneven roads that could lead to sticky situations.
3. Friendships come and go, but
marriage is for life.
A male friendship, even one that has
been going on longer than you’ve known your spouse, can often dissolve without
too much drama. Busyness causes us to drift apart, a new job might shift our
schedules or a new baby squeeze out socializing.
Marriage on the other hand, is
supposed to be for life. When busyness takes over, you still sleep in the same
bed. If you or your husband gets an out-of-state job, you both move. When you
have a new baby, you both join forces to take care of this new life. Everything
is done in tandem.
Don’t choose a male friendship that
might one day end (even if you swear it won’t) over something that is forever.
4. Men don’t think the same as women.
I don’t care what is PC.
Men are visual creatures. And women
are fun to look at. Men’s brains are wired differently and even the slightest
brush of his elbow when you are laughing could send him the wrong signal.
Women oftentimes forget their touchy-feely
nature might lead the relationship in a direction you never intended it to go.
5. Your husband should fulfill your
need for male attention.
If your finding your male friendship
is more exciting than your marriage, redirect your attention to fixing it.
6. We have a sin nature.
The grass is always greener on the
other side.
We always want what we can’t have.
These are two common proverbs, both
of them pointing back to the oldest story in history: Adam and Eve. “Don’t
touch the tree of Good & Evil,” God said…and what did she do; she went and
touched it!
It’s important to note at the time of
this story, Eve didn’t have a sinful nature. How much more will we, having a
sin nature, be tempted to do things just because we know we aren’t supposed to
do them? We know that a sexual relationship with a male friend is
forbidden…and it makes it all the more desirable.
7. The stats.
Divorce is an ugly word. When it’s
coupled with the word ‘adultery’ it’s even nastier.
Too many marriages have already
proven that male-female relationships with someone other than your spouse is
risky business.
If you don’t want to become part of
those statistics…avoid male friendships!
8. The other woman and man.
Even if a male friend isn’t married,
it’s likely he will be in a relationship one day.
We need to think of the needs of his
current/future spouse above our own wants and needs. If you are friends
with a man that’s married, you could potentially damage a chance for him to
have a healthy relationship with his wife.
On the flip side, what about your own
husband. Even if he says he’s cool with you having close male friends, in
reality it makes him uncomfortable.
9. Opinions of others.
I’m not an advocate for worrying about
what others think, but we should consider our reputation among our
community. Our good name is better than anything…even an amazing
friendship with another man that isn’t your husband!
The Bible reiterates this:
A good name is more desirable than
great riches. Proverbs 22:1
A male relationship may lead others
to think there is more going on than meets the eye.
10. You have somewhere better to
spend your time.
The Bible says that married women are
supposed to teach other younger married women to:
love their children
love their husbands
If you spend your time with another
man, you are wasting time that could be better spent doing the job God has
called you to accomplish.
There is no Bible verse that suggests
women have any business attending to any man other than her husband.
Do You Want to Stay Married Forever?
When we stand, in our wedding dress,
saying our “I do’s” I am certain we intended to stay married for as long as
possible.
I think male friendships jeopardize
this goal.
And no friendship, male or female, is
worth that risk.
Getting married doesn’t mean you
automatically stop being attracted to other people, it means you avoid it like
the plague. Since then, I’ve put in motion certain measure to make sure I don’t
find myself in this situation again.
- What about you?
- Do you think married women should have male friends?
- Do you have a story of a male friendship gone wrong? Or some tips on how to get out of a male relationship you are already in?
- We’d love to hear from you in the comments section!
Published By Pat Kayz Unstoppable
